There are many things that become easier as we get older, but dating doesn’t seem to be one of them. For the past five months, I’ve been dating this beautiful individual, but a lot of my friends are now starting to be over her a bit. Why? Well because we still haven’t officially stated in which direction our time together is heading.

It would be easy for me to blame all of our lack of decision making on her, which my friends do because they’re always on my side, but the lack of decision making is on me too. I do like her. In fact, I’m sure I know that more than she does. In the words of Nayyirah Waheed, “I am such a sensitive summer thing,” but it is not always easy for me to show that vulnerability with someone I am genuinely interested in.

A little counterintuitive, huh? Yeah, I have challenges I’m still working to overcome, too. The thing is my actions will tell on me before my mouth does. Therefore I’m certain she knows I’m interested, but that’s not enough; a lot can be interpreted from that. So, I’ve decided I’m finally going to tell her, out of my own mouth, that I do genuinely like her–for who she is and where she is, right now. Why is this critical? Because a lot may not be as obvious as it seems when left to interpretation, and because I think she’s worth the risk and should know that.

Which is the answer to the question above. We all grapple with this dilemma when dating someone new–when is the appropriate point to call it quit? I could talk about how this is such a case specific question that requires contextual evidence, but truthfully the answer is quite simple; when the person no longer feels worth it. Crazy right? Almost too simple? Well, “sometimes the question is complicated and the answer is simple” indeed.

I’ve never done a slow pace before in my life, but I am doing it here because I enjoy her company and I think she’s worth the risk. I say “risk” because there is the possibility that I may be wasting my time, that this may not become what I want it to be, but there is also the possibility that it could become something even better than I can imagine. So, that’s why I’m still dating her; I see a possibility that I think is worth working toward.

If at any moment that no longer exists, or her presence no longer brings me joy, then a different decision must be made. That’s the same for you and your “situationship.” You can only stay around as long as it makes you feel good and the possibility is something worth working toward. When that changes, then it is time to leave. When the person before you is no longer worth the risk, no longer worth the energy, no longer worth your divine time, then it is time to walk away.

Time is relative and may mean something different to each person, but what isn’t is how something/someone makes you feel. I could give you advice for days, but what you feel is the most accurate answer. When it’s time to walk away you won’t have to ask the question, your feet will answer for you.

As always, love and hug more!

-Ms. Malcolm Hughes